Running Into Safe Arms....Cordelias PoV
by Nuttyginger
Summary: Lost souls in LA find each other-Angel/Cordelia Fic


Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot and Cloe and Jack. Everything else belongs to Joss, and all those rich folks at WB, Fox and Mutant (Grr, Arr) Enemy  
Clasification: Angel/Cordelia , Angst, soppy stuff.  
WARNING: Contains Themes on Domestic Violence, and Death.  
Goes with companion piece. "Running into Safe Arms....Angels PoV  
***************************************************************************************************************Running Into Safe Arms....Cordelias' PoV  
  
We don't talk much anymore  
We keep running from these sentences  
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again  
  
So maybe I should have called  
Was it too soon to tell  
Oh what the hell  
It doesn't really matter  
How do you define something that never really had a name?  
Has your opinion changed?  
Savage Garden - I Don't Know You Anymore.  
  
I stood in front of the highly-lit mirror as I applied the foundation with cut  
fingertips to my blemished face. I sharply drew in a breath as I hit a bruised nerve. You  
would have thought after 2 years of this I would know what would stop me bruising.  
Richard had hit me before but he had never threatened me with any other instrument  
than his fist.   
  
The knife had been lying next to the chopped vegetables. Yeah me, Cordelia  
Chase, cooks and cleans like a good little house wife. He grabbed the knife and pointed it  
at my chest. He shouted at me to beg for my life. He stood there laughing as I fell to my  
knees. I really thought I was going to die. Instead he drew the knife across my palms  
and fingertips. "Let that be a reminder of my power the next time you try to tell me  
what to do." All I did was ask him to take the dinner out of the oven.  
  
I looked back at the mirror as a silent tear ran down my cheek, cutting through  
the foundation. My watch beeped for 5 o'clock. Cloe would be home soon wanting her tea  
before Ballet practise and Jack would be waking soon. A smile floated across my face as  
I remembered the joyful day 6 months prior when my beautiful baby boy Jack came into  
the world. Things settled down, Richard played the doting dad. He talked to me more,  
brought me flowers and for a fleeting moment I thought he had changed. But a leopard  
can't change it's spots. About a month after I got out hospital he punched and kicked  
me in the stomach. I knew from that instance that people don't change. No body except  
Angel. Then again, Angel wasn't Human, hell he wasn't even alive.  
  
Angel had been my best friend, that was up until I met Richard and we became  
close. I had fell in love with my best friend. I only turned to Richard's affections  
because I came to the slow realisation that Angel couldn't love me in the way that I  
wanted to be loved by him. He loved me dearly as his friend but never as anything more.  
He never looked at me in that way and the fact that he was still brooding over the  
Slayer Buffy made things worse. Ever after his soul was anchored his brooding never  
ended. It was so deep not even the news that he would be Human one day brought him  
out his deep trance. He seemed to stop smiling whenever I came into the room, then he  
would make excuses and leave. I thought it was because I reminded him of Sunnydale  
and Sunnydale was where his Slayer and her 'I've-moved-on' husband lived. It became  
too much so I turned to Richard. He had everything I thought I wanted, money, charm,  
and most of all he wasn't Angel. I still weathered the visions, I couldn't Angel his  
redemption. Richard got very jealous so I had kept them a secret from him, phoning  
Wesley when ever I got one. Every year I still got a birthday card, handpainted and  
handwritten, from Angel. I still treasure the six beautiful, hidden from view.  
  
Richard had gone to bed, exhausted from the day at his office as a lawyer. I  
know, after all the dealings me, Wesley and Angel had with Wolfram and Hart, I would  
stay well away from Lawyers. Maybe now was the time to call it quits, get away from  
Richard. Cloe was at Ballet practise, my bags are still packed from the last time I tried  
it, plus I still had my savings from my days at Angel Investigations. I rung the people  
that I rented my apartment from in my 'Cordy' days (the first 3 years I was in LA)  
Thanks to Dennis my apartment was now empty so I had somewhere to stay. I could  
leave and my nightmare would be over, if only I could face my life alone, no one to hold  
me up. I crept through to Jacks room and picked up my bags and nappy bag and  
Hazel-eyed baby. As I fled down the hall I glanced at the Richard and I's wedding photo.  
Those were happy times, those were the sad times. That night I kissed Richard as my  
husband and the night Angel had kissed me and whispered "Goodbye" in my ear and  
walked out of my life. I could think about that now, I had to leave while I still had the  
strength.  
  
Cloe had cried because daddy wasn't coming with us and Jack seemed unsettled.  
Thank goodness Dennis was there to hand me tissues when I cried. About 6 years ago,  
Wesley and I had found a 'Wandering' Spell for Dennis so he could travel to the to  
Angel house and Wesley's apartment, also to the hospital where I ended up most of the  
time. Jack took to Dennis well but Cloe didn't like him. One night she couldn't sleep so  
made pictures on the wall till she slept soundly. She came running through to me the  
next morning saying "Mummy the clear man made movies on my wall. Say thank-you for  
me."  
  
One night I was sleeping on the couch in one of Angels shirt, for his comforting  
smell, when Dennis came in a seem me. He left via the front door only signalled by hardly  
audible sound of the lock clicking. He went straight to Angels. I don't know what he told  
Angel. I was woken by a gentle knock on the front door. My sense fully awake, I slowly  
peaked through the peephole, expecting Richard had tracked us down. When I saw it  
wasn't Richard I became dizzy and grabbed for the door handle as I swooned about. It  
was Angel who stood before me.  
  
He looked the same, I mean a vampire doesn't age and he can't tan, he still wore  
black with black, he still stepped nervously from foot to foot and he was the Angel I  
still loved. I opened the door and stood there, scared incase I woke and it was all a  
dream. He didn't say a word instead he reached out and stroked the yellowing bruise  
below my eye. His fingertips cool to my face sent shivers down my spine. He was real  
alright."Come in, please." He hesitated slightly before coming in. He looked around as if  
he had never seem the place before. I sat on the sofa, dumbfounded, "Please sit down." I  
paused to try and still the scrambled thoughts in my head. "How did you know I'd be h..."   
He cut me off before I could finish. "Dennis" he simply muttered. As if on que a breeze brushed   
past me signalling the phantom had returned. We sat there in silence for 5 whole minutes   
but more was said in that time than a lifetime of words could ever say. I felt good, secure, whatever  
you want to call it, when I stared into those long-ago familiar eyes. I found my belonging again.  
  
The belonging had left the night Wesley died. They had been following up a vision  
I had earlier in the day when Wesley tried to defend Angel. Wesley ended up impaled on  
a spike on the demons hand. Angel sat in the dark for weeks. He wouldn't eat, he  
wouldn't answer cases. He just grieved. He had lost two true friends who were trying to  
protect him. I grieved too. First Doyle now Wesley. I was cursed like Angel. I came into  
the office everyday just to be there and slumped in the corner to cry. I cried for three weeks, Angel  
never noticed i was back, he oblivious to my pain. He grieved instead below in his apartment 'till one  
day I heard the roof door open 2 hours before sunrise. I went up to find Angel standing  
looking East. Both of us shells of the people we used to be. I can remember the  
conversation as clear as the day.   
  
He turned to me and said "Cordelia, I don't want you to see this."My eyes red from crying filled up again. My hands clasped into fists as I weakly pounded his chest yelling "Don't you dare leave me too."  
He looked down at me, his eyes searching my soul. "I can't cope with anymore grieve. First Doyle died, then Wesley and I have to live with the knowledge that Buffy will to die soon." For the first time I realised how much pain and torture Angel had to deal with. "They were my friends to, I've lost them as well. I  
can't cope on my own Angel, look at me. Three weeks and I'm a mess. Don't abandon me as well. Please." He pulled me close to his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist. "Time's a healer. Your tough, you'll survive. You don't need me anymore." My head sprung  
up at the words. "Of course I need you. I need you much more than you'll ever know. You  
know me, you know I'm not the same sarcastic, spoilt, bitch anymore. I've seen I'm  
Queen C no more. I need you here to talk to , I need your help. We're both looking for  
our redemption. I need YOU to talk to me. You gave my life a purpose and how can I  
'fight the good fight' without you? You die and my life has no purpose, no reason to go  
one. You know what that's like." My voice broke as we both crumbled to the ground.  
Crying, grieving, letting our loses go. He looked up at me with a different look in his eyes.  
"I can smell the dawn, we'd better go."  
  
I was still staring when Dennis nudged Angel in the back. "What happened to your face?"He said, touching the bruise again. "Richard happened, don't worry i heal quickly now."I sat there fighting the urge to crawl into Angels lap and cry. As if reading my mind he pulled me into his embrace. The memories of how was sat like this for hours after Doyles death then after Wesleys flooded through my head. His touch drove me crazy. It was then that the realisation hit home, all the feelings converged into love. I hadn't stopped loving him even in my 5 years with Richard. We stayed like that, clinging to each other as though the wordl would end.   
  
I awoke in Angels arms with Cloe standing in front of me. Her face was screwed up in confusion, gher fingers playing lightly with her curly brown hair as tears welled up in her eyes. "Mummy, who's the strange man and where's my daddy?" Angel stirred as i detangled myself from his arms and padded over to Cloe's shaking form."Who's that Cordelia?" Angels voice made me jump out of my skin. "Oh sorry i didn't mean to wake you. This is Cloe, my daughter. Sweetie this is Angel, mummy's friend. Say hello." I hoped that Cloe would be O.K with Angel but she burst into tears. Her crying woke Jack up so i quickly ran into Jacks room, leaving Angel and Cloe alone. Jack was sitting up in his crib, his black hair spiked from a restless nights sleep. I brought him through to the Livingroom where Angel now sat with Cloe on his lap showing him her storybooks. I simply stood by the door watching the scene unfold in front of me. He looked so natural with a child sitting on his lap. Richard always seemed uncomfortable when i came to spending time with Cloe. Jack was easier you just sit and laugh at him but Coe like to be talk to and this made Richard weary. I was content watching till Jack let out a piercing giggle and disturbed the dream in front of me. Angels eyes seemed to widen in suprise as I stood before him, babe in arms or was it he finally realise i was wearing his shirt? "Well your full of suprises. Who is this?" He said as a grin floated across his face. "This is my son Jack, and he needs fed." i uttered as Angel rose from the sofa. "Is there anyone else i have yet to meet?" He said looking around as if the seven dwarfs were going to come waddling out of her old bedroom. He looks beautiful when he smiles. "No this is it, this is my little family."   
  
Late on in the afternoon when Jack was asleep and Cloe was content colouring in we sat down and talked. "Why did you come? I mean i know Dennis went and told you i was back but why did you come after all this time?" I asked almost scared of the answer. "I haven't seen you in 5 years, you show up at your old apartment, your my best friend, of course i was curious. I can't believe how much you've changed, but your the same in so many ways. I'm glad. I never imagined you with kids, never mind such beautiful children, They take after their mother. Your still the vunerible, scared Cordelia that has has the outer shell of an Ox. How could Richard do this to you? How could you take it. You should have came straight to me, i would have protected you. I've missed you so much." I felt his moist lips touch my forehead and dsecided it was about time i came clean for everybodies sanity. "Angel there is some stuff i have to tell you but can't go all wiggy on me OK? I couldn't turn to you because i couldn't face you. I was scared you would say 'I told you so'. . I spent 2 years playing second best and after Wesley died you didn't want me around. Iknow to you I'm a complete reminder of Sunnydale and therefore Buffy. " I stopped,watching for a reaction but found none at the mention of his lovers name. "I fell...I fell in love and I couldn't do anything about it." There it was, the flinch at the thought of  
me falling in love. His smile faded and the furrow lines appeared on his forehead, he was  
brooding again. "Cordelia I know you fell in love Richard and I never stood in your way, no  
matter how much I wanted to, but you left and never looked back. I need to thank-you  
for allowing me to find my redemption but no matter how many lives I'm gonna save, they  
will all die eventually. I learned that when Doyle and Wesley died. Oh you don't know how  
much I've missed you. I didn't visit because I thought you were happy and I was an evil  
part of your life and you deserved a normal life." He sat there and I put my hand up to  
wipe away a lone tear. he turned his face away from me. My touch burned him. "Angel,  
Angel look at me. I didn't fall in love with Richard. I never loved Richard." Lines of  
confusion replaced his brooding lines. I put my hand up to cup his face. I had loved him  
since the night I had awoke from a nightmare, the one about the endless visions, to find  
his sitting at the foot of my bed. He had silently slipped into bed with me, fully clothed,  
and just held me. I got the best nights sleep I had, had in months. The feel of the wool  
jumper through my silk PJ's and the safety of his arms around my body made my heart  
stop. I had fallen in love with my best friend, the only true friend I had left in the  
world. "I fell in love with...you. It was you that I have always loved. I tried to forget you  
by marrying Richard but it didn't work. I know you can't love me back and I have lived  
with that for 6 years. I couldn't watch you go back to Buffy and leave me all alone in LA  
'Cos lets face it there is no one else to turn to for me anymore. So how is our little  
Slayer? I take it you did go back to her, you know since you could...now the souls  
padlocked." A pain expression appeared on his face. Opps. what had I said. Had she  
rejected him. Was I true, she was in love with Riley after all. "Cordelia, I never went  
back to Buffy. I found out she died 3 months go. I never went back because I couldn't. I  
loved her, I always will, but we cause each other nothing but misery. I too had fell in  
love with someone else. I fell for you. I wish to the TPTB I knew why but I couldn't  
leave you alone." Buffy was dead. Oh, he had lost his one true love. Another one bites the  
dust. Hold it he love ME. He loved ME, not the Slayer ME!   
  
We sat there, nothing was said but I knew what I wanted. I wanted him back. He  
was mine now. I pulled him up by the arms and took his hand. We padded my sleeping Cloe  
and Jack was in his stroller asleep. I pulled him through the door to my bedroom. It  
seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do, drag a 254 year old vampire with  
an anchored soul onto my bed, it felt so right. It still felt right when I got up to find my  
babies wake and my love in my bed where he belonged. I had my life again. My mind went  
back to Richard. He would be looking for me soon. He had found me last time. Unlike last  
time, this time I don't have to cope alone. I have someone to hold me up. Angel wasn't  
going to kiss my on the cheek and say "Goodbye", we never had to say goodbye ever  
again. The Powers That Be had granted me one last happiness, when I woke up, my head  
on Angels chest I could hear a soft but full heartbeat radiating. Our refound love had  
made my Angel Human. He was mine a last.  
  
I'm stronger than yesterday  
It's no way but my why  
My lonelyness ain't killing me no more  
Britney Spears - Stronger  
  
  
~*~FIN~*~  



End file.
